Tears begin to fall in harmony with the drips from the leaky faucet.
This is my place. To let it all out.
Desperate for a cleansing. An outpouring. A renewing.
Water does that to me.
My heart has been ripped-apart. Torn.
In a season of mending. Restoration.
A completely busted-up state, in which grace is my only hope.
I reach for His merciful hand which carries me and holds all the pieces.
The apostle Paul knew the human heart, the waging, when he said "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do." (Romans 7:15a)
I cry out with that same confusion. My questioning, doubtful, shattered heart.
Reduced to fragments. For His greater purpose.
I soak in deep. Water covering all but my face. Tears mixing in.
The pain and heat make it hard to breathe.
When God does a work in you, it's not always easy. Come to think of it... it never is.
While we may prefer to keep our "masks" on and pretend that all is well, I think it's important for people to see we aren't created to have it all-figured-out or put-all-together. Others may feel more comfortable when we stick to shallow surface encounters, but I just can't do it... realness seeps out of my pours. I hold dear those who are authentic. The ones who aren't willing to pretend.
God used a particular situation in my life to open up my heart and show me what was really there. Since then, I feel like my life has been over-hauled by Him, spread wide-open, peeled back, chiseled. Revealing the depths.
I desire the start of a fresh journey. One that has been denied.
It's in brokenness that truth comes pouring out, even if only from the eyes.
Struggles are intense. A wrestling within.
Immensely personal. Rooted.
I lift my hands up. Water pours down my arms as I wipe my face of the hurt welling-up.
Looking for clarity. Direction. Stability. In the crushing.
The one thing I know, in all of this...
He has a plan. That is where I rest.
Where He holds me and His peace flows like a river.
He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
I weep "Hold me, hold me close."