A time to Lay it Down...

There are many great and rewarding avenues in life that can ultimately keep us distracted and busy. Hindering the mighty work God wants to do in us.

We can take good things, things that bring joy and fulfillment, and use them to keep us hidden and occupied. To numb ourselves from the intense crushing, breaking, stripping process of our heart. We dodge the depths in which God wants to go, to reveal our wounds to us. We shake in fear of the unknown.

My journey on this blog has been eye-opening and heart-exposing as I've typed keys into words. It has brought me great joy to find authentic souls who understand the pain and triumph. Who relate to the wrestling and surrender. However, I've allowed blogging to divert my attention away from an even deeper healing. I've allowed comments and emails to validate this journey when recently I've heard the whisper of God asking me to lay it down, so He can give me words for wounds. Balm for brokenness. Wholeness in healing.

And that I need to stop "doing" and "being" for others and simply let Him do and be for me.

I've been afraid that in the mute of typing out my heart, I'd let you all down... my readers, my friends.

God has been endlessly pursuing me to come closer, with preeminent intent. To weep at His feet while mercy washes over and floods my spirit. There is so much more He wants to reveal through the cuts, scrapes, and scars that are still bleeding, in need of His binding.

So...

He is calling me back to leather bound pages and scribbled ink. This next season is much too painful and intimate to lay out on screen while it's fresh. Possibly, a different time or a different place. For now, I must stop running and hiding, I must learn to lean into Him like never before.

I do not know how long this break from blogging will be. My plan is to take my extra hours to connect with grace, peace, and understanding. For He is all three, and more.

I will continue to spill my heart on paper, returning to His affectionately exhaustive, intimately sacred place of unhindered words. Unedited and undone.

I am scared of the pain and hurt that will surface in those moments, but will put my trust in the one who knows pain like no other.

The one who was broken, knows brokenness.

The one who has risen, knows how to rise beauty from ashes.

And through all of it, I will wait on Him for my time to rise.

For.

There.

Is.

A.

Time...

ALWAYS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been an honour to share my heart, my stories,

my afflictions, my pain, and my joy with you.

I ask you kind friends to pray for me during this time, this season.

Thank you for being here, with me.

You will be missed but never forgotten.

If you want to stay connected...

You can find me on Facebook or Twitter or via Email (on profile page)

Much LOVE & GRACE!!!

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

A time to Enjoy the Weekend...

(we heart it)

As the November winds blow in snow and chill sets under pores, may you find beauty all around you to warm your soul. May your eyes catch vision through the white flurry and may your ears be tuned to hear the worship that hovers in every storm.

As this weekend is presented to you, my prayer is that it will be filled with passionate life. His fierce fire. For when our lives and weather turn cold, He is our warmth. Our place of refuge. Pour out, dear friends...

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

(Pslam 62:8)

A time for Love to be Enough...

Thursday's Imperfect Prose

{we heart it}

Tuesday evening I slipped under covers, late.

Twelve hours of travel from the time I left my hotel in Nevada to the time my face was hit with the winter wind, here, on home land. I had been gone for 4 days, taking time away to spill into another life and be used by Him.

It was wonderful.

Conversations raw. Emotions unleashed. Hearts broken and encouraged.

He appoints it all to happen. Governed by His hand.

The chill of evening set in my bones as it recognized the 35 degree difference in temperature. Stepping off the plane onto prairieland-tarmac I yearned to step into sleeping-daughter's rooms, to sneak-a-peek. And when I finally did, I was overly blessed to set eyes on beauty wrapped in quilt.

Yesterday morning came too quickly. But little girl company couldn't come soon enough. Anna's little toes tucked in next to me with tight squeezes and groggy joy of "Mom, you're home!". We let the warmth of our bodies gather in blankets as we laid in the affection of our Mother/Daughter love.

"Guess what? I bought you something!" I told her.

"You did?" She said with excitement. "You didn't have to do that, Mom." Sincerity drips off her words.

"I know I didn't. But I wanted to. Besides, it's just something small." I'm stating facts for her tender ears to hear. Then she states her own "Well, I just want you to know that you didn't have to buy me anything. You're love is enough."

I choke on those heart-piercing words. My morning gift. His morning mercy.

And I wonder, if in true honesty, could I say those words to Him?

Your love is enough.

LORD, if you never added to me another thing. If your all your blessings ceased. If not one of my hearts desires were granted by you. If you chose to never answer a prayer. If only hardships were to follow me the rest of my days. Could I still say "Your love, oh LORD, is enough for me!"? Do I have the courage to lay it bare and plead that my true desire become that you LORD Jesus do not have to do another thing for me?... That you're love is enough!

If not, can you make that so?

I want my life to reflect a love for God, alone. Not a love for God because of what He adds to me, gives me, or keeps me from. Solely a love for Him.

I reach my arm around her and pull her in close "Oh my sweet girl, you are a gift. In more ways then you'll ever know." It is in these moments, I know I'm home.

It amazes me that as we pour out, He pours back in. To fill us. And that even these crawl-into-bed-with-Mom moments are sovereign. Appointed by Him.

Ministry happens all over this earth, on unfamiliar soil as well as home-turf... because His love IS enough.

Is the love of God enough for you today?

A time to be Content...

{Originally posted on March 23, 2010}

This is an excerpt from Max Lucado’s book, In the Grip of Grace. I read it on a fellow bloggers website, and haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

It has challenged me!

I wonder if it will do the same to you...

Content. That’s the word. A state of heart in which you’d be at peace if God gave you nothing more than He already has. Test yourself with this question: What if God’s only gift to you were his grace to save you? Would you be content? You beg him to save the life of your child. You plead with him to keep your business afloat. You implore him to remove the cancer from your body. What if his answer is, “My grace is enough.” Would you be content?

You see, from heaven’s perspective, grace is enough. If God did nothing more than save us from hell, could anyone complain? If God saved our souls and then left us to spend out lives leprosy-struck on a deserted island, would He be unjust? Having been given eternal life, dare we grumble at an aching body? Having been given heavenly riches, dare we bemoan earthly poverty?

Let me be quick to add, God has not left you with “just salvation”. If you have eyes to read these words, hands to hold this book, the means to own this volume, He has already given you grace upon grace.

Am I content?
Honestly. No.
There is much I would like to change. Achieve. Do. Be.

Which is why I strive for it. Become it. Go after it. Accomplish it.

Is His grace enough?

Honestly. Yes.

We live in a consumer driven nation. We are constantly bombarded with "you deserve it" commercials, and "it's all about me" advertisements.

We are spoon fed this idea that "we need more".

We keep up. We pay up. We make our way up.

As though contentment will follow IF...

I just have (or get, or become) ______________ .

Have we bought into it?

...if his answer is, “My grace is enough.” Would you be content?

Would YOU???

A time to Live Open...

It wasn't until recently I realize how much I'm actually "out there" in this blog world.

I get that people all over the globe stumble upon here and read a line or two. I've even developed friendships with the most authentic writers and poets who share a blogging passion. I have close friends who slip-in to read everyday with out much word in return. They support quietly.

Then a few times in the last couple weeks, when crossing paths with acquaintances or people I barely know in grocery stores, friendly smiles are given followed by a pause then this confession "So, I've been reading your blog..."

Really??? I think. Wow!

There are times I can see the concern in their eyes for me. Possibly after reading a post like this, or this. Meanwhile some of you think you should keep it a secret, your confidentiality about sneaking in the occasional "I wonder what she wrote today", until I receive a comment or email that confesses "I've been secretly reading your blog for awhile now and have never commented...". Those of you who have done this usually continue on to share your story, your struggles, or your heart with me.

I feel privileged to have approach with such amazing, beautifully-broken, people.

You are among my treasures.

It is crazy to think this blog leaves me living with heart-on-sleeve, emotion-in-word, thoughts-in-cyberland, for all to see. To read. To judge. To inspire. To critic. To challenge. To relate.

It's crazy. But I am.

My joy is to live in such a way that Jesus can have glory in all of it. My brokenness. My pain. My achievements. My revelations. To live in such a way that I find Him in amongst what others may consider ordinary, plain, mundane, or simple. To live with spiritual binoculars, seeing Him up-close and personal, exalted in the everyday.

For my heart to truly grasp Him and know Him.

It's worth living exposed. It's worth the cost.

I trust God has a plan for this space and this heart of mine.

And I am thankful for those of you who gain a little something from my meager words.

You help me unwrap this life to see God manifest, to live open to His moving.

For that, I thank you!

A time to Do what you Can...

{we heart it}

When you can't seem to find the hours in a day to accomplish all that awaits your diligent hand, and you fall to knees in exhaustion at days end... it is in those moments of exasperation that we drape ourselves in defeat but can battle back by allowing thanks to ripple off the tongue for what was achieved.

Giving Him praise for what these fashioned hands can do because He says they can and all the added gifts that rise and fall with His sovereign breath.

160. Stretched out arms for warm embraces

161. Organized cupboards and lined up boxes of tea

162. Packed full suitcases for girlfriends weekend away

163. Celebrating my digits changing with a house full of sweet souls

164. The way she dresses and how He uses it to teach me {everyday}

165. Lyrics that touch heart depths

166. Mother/Daughter bedtime chatter and all those precious moments

167. Dealing with overflowing paper baskets

168. Dusted espresso wood

169. Prayers to find all JOY in Him

Taking these simple hands to accomplish all I can in Him and resting in that blessed peace come night-fall.

A time to Announce the WINNER...

Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given.

(John 1:16)

Freely you have received; freely give.

(Matthew 10:8b)

It is with great JOY that I wanted to give a pair of TOMS shoes away in celebration of God's abundant blessings in my life, to bow out His generosity to someone else.

My birthday was truly FULL of love... what more can I ask for?

It is more then sufficient and my cup overflows. Which is why I wanted to bring awareness to such an amazing organization as TOMS shoes {because with every pair of shoes that is purchased, they give a pair of new shoes to a child in need}.

It is with bubbling-over-excitement that I announce that the winner of my first ever giveaway.... {drumroll, please}....

MONICA

"It is more blessed to give than to receive." ~ Jesus

A time to Remember...

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

(John 15:13)

Lest we Forget...

Remembering all that has been lost for our freedom

and honouring those who laid down their lives for us.

*** Don't forget about the GIVEAWAY I'm doing. There is still time to enter ***

A time for Birthday GIFTS...

Today, I turn another year older. My digits change again. Yikes!

However, I've embraced this grace... this aging "thing".

It is a beautiful gift to celebrate another year of life and today I'm grateful to do just that.

In the spirit of celebration, I'd like to give one of you a gift.

I want to pour out, if only just a smidgen, some love to you.

SO...

I'm giving away a pair of TOMS shoes. All you need to do is leave a comment to be automatically entered {be sure to leave your email so I can contact you}.

I'll announce the random winner this Friday.

And get this, this is the kind of gift that keeps on giving...

With every pair of TOMS shoes that is purchased, they give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. How fabulous is that?

Really, you are doing me a favour on my birthday... You are giving me the gift to give and for that I am thankful.

Feeling overwhelmed in His saturated blessings, giving Him this life to bring Him glory... I celebrate!!!!

Now, go check it out by clicking here {and tell all your friends to come on by to enter, the more the merrier}!!!

** I am receiving no monetary benefit of any kind from TOMS shoes... I personally think they are a wonderful organization and wanted to bring awareness to it.**

A time for Honest Community...

{we heart it}

There is something about social media that can bring out real community, when we walk in real honesty.

Last week, I wrote this on my Facebook status "I once read "I'm NOT ok, You're NOT ok, but that's OK"... so this morning, I'm crying honest tears that I'm not ok, but that's ok, right?"

And you know what happened?

Community happened.

Grace happend.

Love happened.

Friends sent me emails and posted ((hugs)) as a reply. I had a couple text messages filled with love and concern, support and prayers. I even received a phone call... from my brother!

You see, I don't talk to my brother much, maybe a few times a year and not because I don't love him or we've had some sort of family-fall-out. It's just that we both live busy lives. Far apart. But when he read my raw candor, something made him want to reach out to give encouragement, understanding, and love.

This is the thing about honesty, it isn't always pretty and it doesn't always look "put together". Honesty can often be a heart-cry or vulnerable confession, but it unites those who understand. Being open brings people together under His banner of love, hope, joy, redemption, peace, mercy, and grace. While shame leaves us feeling alone, abandoned, isolated, and defeated.

That same day, I opened a book to read this...

We're a lot more likely to encounter community in the circle of people who have been broken. We have to be authentic in order to experience authentic community. Why the emphasis on authentic? Because I'm convinced it's largely our inability to be authentic - or real - with each other or ourselves that makes it so difficult for us to recognize the gift of community that God offers us.

The culture we live in today sets up so many expectations for what success looks like. So what do we do? All to often, we hide. We pretend to be something we're not. We immerse ourselves in a false reality.

We may "fake it until we make it".

~ Pete Wilson (Plan B)

Too often we cover up our hurt and pain, minimizing it to keep the flawless image. We keep pretending we can do this on our own or that we have it under control. When the truth is we don't and we can't. We never will.

We need Him.

And when we can be honest about that...

then we live in the freedom of truth which is a glorious gift!

A time to Praise in the Storm...

I feel like a fraud right now, in this precise moment. I'm sitting before this white glowing screen in my office, tapping keys to jot down weekly gifts of grace and yet my heart is frustrated in this day. I'd rather pout and hide my head under pillows. I'd rather sulk in this dark room with lights off and blood pumping, then to simply let it all go and be made humble in my action.

You see, life doesn't always cater to our needs or turn out how we expect it to. Life isn't aways a bed of roses or daisies. Life sometimes flips us upside down, turns us inside out, and makes us angry in the process.

I'm in that process today. I am.

I wish I could hide it from you, but I can't. I don't want to put on a fake smile and pretend life is all happiness. You deserve honesty from me, even when it isn't pretty, pleasing, or filled with encouragment. And yet, sometimes "keeping it real" is a breath of fresh air.

What I'm learning is that there is always room for truth, there is always room for authenticity, and there is always room for thanks.

Always. Room. For. Thanks.

In every circumstances.

There is room to lift still small voices into heavenly song, to praise Him, even in the midst of a storm...

151. Little stone reminders

152. Freedom that reigns

153. Beautifully painted bowls

154. Hot Chai to settle in

155. Wedding invitations

156. Easily flowing conversation

157. Freshly bathed daughters

158. Cozy blankets

159. Sovereign restoration

... and in bowing low to lift thanks high, He changes the defeated heart. He takes that which is upset and brings His peace. Raging waters, still. Calmness soothes like balm.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

A time to Hear the Silence...

Silence is loud.

It booms hard and heavy in the quiet stillness.

Our ears tuned to the finest of hums and hushes.

The resonating sound.

Silence is always heard when the stillness falls.

Awareness splits us wide open. Piercing to divide.

Hearts cracking with the vacancy, void of disguised noise that keeps us occupied in the bustle. And you can hear it, the heartaches, the heartbreaks.

Silence is loud.

It jolts the numb. Awakens the dead.

It is heard with the stilled soul.

It's in the stillness, we know.

We hear His very breath and heartbeat.

Tremble in our smallness.

His light pushes away the shadows inside our deaf ears, and we hear the silence roar in His presence.

"Be still, and know that I am God."

(Psalm 46:10a)

Are you afraid to really hear the sound silence?

A time to Love like You...

Linking up with Imperfect Prose this Thursday

Soul sad, I sit quiet in the shadows of night.

Heaviness settles on shoulders. Eyes blind.

Feeling helpless in my solitary power of one.

No clear explanation for the thick fog that makes one gasp for oxygen.

Extending arms, fumbling through the haze, I lift prayers to the one who saves.

Ask for a miracle parting, to cut a line for clarity in amongst the obscurity. To burst forth light and truth, making a way.

A way for me to love them.

All.

Of.

Them.

To not just feed them. To not just cloth them. To not just pray for them.

But to LOVE unconditional, unrelenting.

My spirit is heavy to know love, like you Jesus.

To bestow love, like you.

To clench it and hold it as sacred. Treasured. Ultimate. And give it just the same.

I scan the world through a different view and I am burdened.

But not without hope, for you have given this life to me as a gift.

Not to be wasted.

Helpless in my strength but powerful in yours.

A life given to love and be loved by you.

To profoundly LOVE, is you.

Flow that through me.

A time to be Faithful in the Little things...

With the blinds pulled up we look at the moonlight glow and sit cross-legged on her bed.

I love this time with her. Our mother/daughter conversations filled with honesty, laughter, tears. The moments before head hits pillow and we fall asleep to enter in a new day.

I brush her golden hair away from her eyes and gently tuck it behind ear only to see it fall down again on her hot pink frames.

"So baby, did you get a good part in the play?" This was the first moment I've had to ask her about the auditions for the church Christmas production.

"Not really" she tells me with a long drawn out sigh. "I reeeally wanted the part of Esther, but this one will have to do". Her eyes look down at her script, avoiding tears as she thumbs the corner of her black and white booklet.

"You seem quite sad, Hun." I'm pointing out the obvious. Giving her permission to speak freely.

She does.

She tells me how all the character roles she played up to this point in her life have been quite small and she knows she is capable of more. She tells me how sometimes at school she feels alone and longs to be here with me. She tells me that she wants to be someone who makes a difference. She tells me she wants to love God with the same crazy love He has for her. She tells me how she wants to have the responsibility of bigger parts when it comes to live theatre and she's really glum about the role she was recently cast in.

She tells me. More. Always more.

I listen.

Then I speak.

"You my darling, play a huge role. A main part in a beautiful unfolding story." She looks at me with bright eyes and puzzlement. So I continue... "You play a BIG part in my life. You are a daughter worth celebrating, everyday. You are beauty. You are grace. You Anna, are more then enough. You are His child and that is the biggest role you'll ever get."

I can't help the tears from falling as she leans into my arms. Our warm embrace of truth.

We snuggle in tight to lift praise and prayers for having our lives scripted by the hands of God. My heart bursts open as she softly speaks her requests, I'm humbled by her words. With joy she continues in conversation with God"... and Jesus, I thank you for my small part in our Christmas play. Will you give me everything I need to do it well for your glory. For I will be faithful in this little thing, knowing that if I am, you will bless me more."

She teaches me often, this daughter of mine. I learn much from watching her grow.

With forehead kisses and a tender nose-to-nose bump, we say goodnight. I close her door behind me and I stand in the hallway swelling with gratitude. Giving thanks for His mighty work. And how in my moments of want, He calls me to be faithful in the little. Faithful with my portion. Faithful with what I have. Faithful with my life. Faithful to Him.

And in doing so, I enter in.

'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'

(Matthew 25:21)

A time to See the Unlikely Gifts...

{we heart it}

We've escaped the October storms that spread blankets of white to stay, and I rejoice.

In this barren land, the corpse of summer, we are basking in autumn warmth that radiates His light. Shines bright His brilliance. Preparing earth for winter, the white that has not yet found rest here.

It's all a gift. Surrounding us.

Lifting praise today for the unlikely ones, and how all things can turn to gifts when we give thanks...

141. The crunch of spilt cereal under foot

142. Split wood and ashes

143. Dirty laundry piles

144. Midnight prayers for fallen ones

145. Burnt toast

146. Early chilled mornings

147. Shared brokenness

148. Muddy shoes tracking prints

149. Blown out candles at days end

150. Fallen tears for her Grandpa