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If I'm to be honest, I wonder how a life so FULL can seem so EMPTY some days.
There are certain thoughts I can't seem to formulate into words.
They tend to come out as questions. One after another.
They beckon my attention to seek further, deeper, and gain what I obviously do not have.
The answers.
Leaving me confused and in wonder, I return to them.
Arms raised and eyes lifted to heaven, with a shrug of surrender, I sigh... "I don't get it. I just don't."
How can a woman who walks with God, has a committed faithful spouse, beautiful healthy children, and arm loads of friends feel alone? How can her days feel lonesome and empty with the many gifts that pour out around her?
How is this possible? What component is missing?
How can a woman who seems to have everything, feel like nothing? How can her thoughts be encouraging for others and discouraging to herself?
Emptiness has a voice.
And there are days I find it hard to breathe.
The process does not end. The peeling away.
Sanctification. From glory to glory.
God continues to reveal that no matter what fills the life, He is ultimate.
He is the true satisfaction for our unsatisfied hearts.
And when I try to fill the void with anything less, it returns.
Even among the multiple blessings, He empties me of me.
Minimizing the attachments, so I'll attach to Him.
I know that it's for my own good.
But there are days, lonely ones, where I simply say "I don't understand."
And that's okay.
Because I believe the Purposeful ONE has purpose, even in this.
So when the questions out-number the logical answers I hope for, I trust.
Until my wrestling, rests... In Him.
God continues to reveal that no matter what fills the life, He is ultimate.
He is the true satisfaction for our unsatisfied hearts.
And when I try to fill the void with anything less, it returns.
Even among the multiple blessings, He empties me of me.
Minimizing the attachments, so I'll attach to Him.
I know that it's for my own good.
But there are days, lonely ones, where I simply say "I don't understand."
And that's okay.
Because I believe the Purposeful ONE has purpose, even in this.
So when the questions out-number the logical answers I hope for, I trust.
Until my wrestling, rests... In Him.
Do you ever have days when life feels empty although it is sufficient?
Yes and yes, this year, so far everyday feels like that...your words just brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI'm holding on to God like never before and I know He never fails me.
We gonna be Ok, our God is with us always and He understand us.
Manda, God has heard all your questions today!
What a beautiful space and lovely, thoughtful post! On days when I feel dissatisfied, I search my heart to find a person or two whom I might bless through my written words or actions. Sometimes that means I write a prayer for, or letter to, someone. Sometimes I bake cookies or make a meal for someone. Sometimes I hightail it to the adult home to sit at the feet of my friends, there, who have far less than I. I find it helps me to take the focus off myself...and even off the others in my household, who are so much an extension of myself...
ReplyDeletei would imagine we all have those days...
ReplyDeleteIn my life, Jesus is the only one who takes away loneliness. (Loneliness used to plague me.) It comforts me to know he SEES me and KNOWS me (and still chooses me)every moment..and I know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteLove to you during this time. I know he will guide you through.♥
-Tea
Speaking honestly, I've been super emotional these days, many hits from life recently.
ReplyDeleteI just don't understand all the anger in my life. I'm guessing it could be the unravelling... Over 30 yrs of stuffing down hurt and surviving. I have memories of stuffing pain at age 3. So helpless and immature to handle the moment.
To hear of / and witness your beautiful family, and then to hear your questions...makes me realize, I probably believe some " if only lies."
"if I had a husband like that...if my kids were thankful..." it goes on and on.
One thing is for sure, this mess in me isn't going to get processed with the way "me, myself and I" think these days. I see my great need. I see my great unthankfulness, and God's amazing grace. Time to plug in to the source. This is going to be a gooder day. Thanks for your honesty Manda.
Jenn Anderson
Oh. My. I had no idea how much I needed to know I was not alone in some of my feelings and you gave me that sweet Manda. Yes. I ask those questions and more often. And I ponder why...a lot.
ReplyDeleteI know often I forget that in this relationship.... my need of Him is more than I realize and sometimes the emptiness is what brings me back to that goodness and love.
"How can a woman who seems to have everything, feel like nothing? How can her thoughts be encouraging for others and discouraging to herself?" You have no idea how often I ask myself this. I'm so very grateful for friends like you that can help me lift my eyes towards the heavens. Thinking of you today!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post. I have often felt this way, and wondered if others did too! It doesn't seem to make sense at all, and the more times I feel this way, the more I realize my longing to be with Jesus one day. Because only then will I ever feel complete and fulfilled to the fullest. But until that day, I will cherish what He has blessed me with...my family, friends, and my purpose on life. Thanks again for sharing:) And it was an unexpected pleasure to visit this afternoon!
ReplyDeleteYep, have had those days. But you're right, even emptiness needs a voice. And your words will help many (and glad to see you back :)
ReplyDelete