A time for Soaking in Summer...

It has been a couple days since school ended and we have welcomed our summer vacation with open arms. Every year I look forward to these lazier days. The privilege of greeting our mornings with unscheduled time. The slow linger into hours, if we so choose.

I lay under sheets, quiet, unhurried, soaking. Husband up before me, downstairs eating the word and sipping coffee. Our girls still snuggled in their bedrooms with cracks of sunlight peering through curtains.

There is a sense of unexplainable joy in these precious moments. When life isn't rushing wildly by and we can simply take it in. Engage all that is given.

Here in this home, summer is time for pause. For living outside of the planning and inside the adventure of anything-can-happen. Out-of-the-blue invites for bbq's, bumping into friends at the park, bike rides after bath times, roasted marshmallows at midnight, and lazy mornings of pajamas and peanut butter lips.

I thought I was a planner by nature. Organized and orderly. A part of me still is, but God has shown me a different side of myself, one I hadn't known was there... it came in the form of Freedom.

Freedom from the expectations I put on myself. Freedom from scheduling life to full-capacity. Freedom to move off course from what was written in that 1" x 1" box on my calendar.

I greatly enjoy the relaxing, go-with-the-flow, freedom of summer.

Freedom in life.

Days of splashing giddy in pools, sand stuck between toes, and watermelon drips from the chin.

It.

Is.

All.

Joy.

To bring out the basket load of play-dough and make rainbows, pink poodles, and rocket-ships with your children. To invite friends on picnics and days at the river. To lay next to your spouse, looking deep into their eyes until you fall asleep knowing you are loved.

It is all opportunity to engage and relish the moment... then to wake and do it all again tomorrow.

What do you love about summer days?

What are the unscheduled moments that bring joy to you?

A time for Switching Seats...

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?” ~ Jesus (Mark 8:36 MSG)

I have run red lights, drove over curbs and slammed on my brakes too many times to count. I have driven beyond the speed limit, paid for tickets in which I was at fault, and rear-ended the innocent. I have missed a turn more times then I'd like to admit, gotten leg cramps on long trips, and found myself completely lost in unknown cities, all while behind the steering wheel of my vehicle.

As much as I enjoy driving, these instances would show that I'm not all that good at it.

As relaxing as driving can be, after sitting in one place for long periods of time, it can become exhausting. There does come a point where your body starts to tense up, things turn uncomfortable and you need to pull off to the side of the road for a break. A rest. A stretch.

You simply get tired.

In life, it is the same.

We need a driver who never grows weary or faint.

A driver who will always steer us in the direction we are to go.

The good news is that Jesus is already in the driver's seat and He wants to lead us.

But we are really good at white-knuckling the steering-wheel because there are so many things we want to see, places we want to go, and lands we want to explore, but for some reason we get stalled. At a stand still. As though something needs to be fixed.

In those times, it is easy for us to get frustrated or impatient, but God knows what He is doing.
We can trust Him.

He wants to consume us with the good news of grace and guide us through this life, no matter what the traveling conditions might be. He wants to fuel us.

Remembering who we are or where we've come from is one of the hardest things we do.

It often brings us back to places we thought we could leave behind for good.

God doesn't want us to drive in the opposite direction of discomfort or suffering. He tells us to embrace it.

Too often we try to control the truth.

But God already knows and He wants to bring us into a true freedom. God wants to release us from the heavy loads of luggage we travel with.

It can be hard to hand over the driver's seat and lay down control, to let someone show you a better way.

We fight through this life with many inadequacies and we frequently get hurt.

God wants to be in the driver's seat to lead you in love.

Knowing that because Jesus loved us, He died for us, and we can be forgiven... that clears any accusation about past destinations and cleans up the baggage.

When God guides, it is the road to freedom we travel. A road to true healing.

The world and all its self-help methods can not help us at our greatest need.

This expedition is not one we need to be afraid of but one we can joyfully celebrate.

Navigation belongs to our Sovereign God.

Jesus is calling the crowds to Himself, let us move on over and let Him drive...

Written for Stonecroft Ministries Canada

on their blog

A time for Challenging Fear...

originally posted summer 2010

She is my hero.

Born with a freedom and desire to tackle all that life puts in her path. She doesn't have many limits and I love that about her. She has one specific trait however, that stands above the rest... she is willing to face fear. Look it straight in the eyes and have victory over it.

She will monkey bar across metal slats or swinging rings until she gets it. Faithful to accomplish. She loves whirling down slides that send her off with speed. To taste adrenaline. She climbs the tallest of play structures and rock formations just to say she did. She is one who loves the journey. The view from the top.

It was last July when she faced fear again. We were on holidays. Taking in the experience of heritage and carnival rides. Eating cinnamon buns for lunch and making memories on the road.

On this particular day we were at a vintage fair spinning silly on rides. We made our way to the line up for BIG swings, the ones that ascend you into clouds and twirl you to flight. When it was our turn I hoisted her up and strapped her in the light oak seat. When our gaze met, I saw her shaking. Afraid of the height and speed. The unknown. Her quivering of lips opened her eyes to tears. "I can't do it, Mama."

I lifted her out and carried her off the ride before they had begun. Her legs straddled my waist and her little arms hung tight. "I believe you can do this, baby girl."

I calmed her pulsing body with a gentle squeeze and whispered why we need not be afraid. I wiped her tears and continued to hug away the jitters.

We strolled along in our afternoon filled with other wild adventure. The Bumper Whip, The Carousel, The Caterpillar, The Ferris Wheel. We searched glass jars of old-fashioned candy and tried our luck at the win-this-giant-stuffed-bear booth. That's when I felt her grab my hand. "I'm ready now" she spoke over the crowd. We parted through people gathered in crooked lines and made our way to those antique swings.

I looked at her bravery and marvelled. Facing her fear she climb in, strapped down and clenching tight the chains that held her in. She kept her face forward and stiff. Eventually she looked at me, terror in her eyes. She wasn't doing this because she overcame her fear, she was facing it... head on. Scared and shaking with fright.

I sat next to her. Holding in my tears. Witnessing courage in your daughter is an honour.

A marvelous gift. My hero.

I often run away from the very things that make me afraid. I cower. Allowing fear to control me. Rarely squeezing a hand to say "I'm ready now". I shy from facing it head on. I walk away.

Giving it victory over me.

As the swing lifted elevating us into blue skys, I saw it didn't take long for her tension to release into the wind. "It feels like I'm flying, Mama."

"I know. Isn't it great? Close your eyes and really feel it."

With my own eyes softly closed to the view, all I could hear was pure glee coming from her chest.

When the ride ended, excitement erupted. Victory was hers. She did it.

"You know why I could ride that swing?" she asked me. "... because you said Jesus is always with me. You said that."

I know I said that.

I wanted to bring ease to her trembles. Peace in her time of distress.

I envy her faith.

Child-like faith.

Face-your-fear faith to feel-like-your-flying faith.

I can't help but wonder how much I've missed out on because I let unbelief rule.

How many opportunities God had placed before me to soar in the shelter of His wings, but instead I run intimidated by circumstances.

Afraid of falling. Not seeing the gift of flying. I hide. Squirm in defeat.

Through her I can see that fear is a place God makes himself known. When He has plans far beyond comprehension. Fear is often present when God wants to do something with you and in you. In the midst of reluctance and apprehensions, He is there.

Waiting to show you victory in Him.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

(Deuteronomy 31:8)

Christ gives me the strength to face anything. (Philippians 4:13)

Does fear ever hold you back?

A time for Traveling with Friends...

It's going to be just the two of us, today. Until it becomes three.

Friend and I traveling to see a friend.

The road before us will stretch wide with welcome.

Driving from one corner of the province across to the other.

Bountiful fields. Mapping love.

Friendships do this... they make us travellers. Explorers.

They give us roads that lead to heart, and we search the depths of thread that knit them.

We are as pilgrims on unknown soil.

Friendships like a foreign land to us, become a land we dwell. Commune.

We can believe that God alone is our confidence, and know that living a life of love is always worth the exposure to understand the thread. His map of love intertwined into person.

I'm learning more and more that we can do this life together when we stretch ourselves wide like the roads ahead, in selfless grace.

And I'm looking forward to the loud laughter, the quiet thought, the music making through friends chatter. For the deeper knowing and the time we take for tasting and seeing that He is good.

Wish you all a wonderful weekend filled with

priceless friendships and the making

of memories that last

A time to Understand What we Have...

This is why, daily, I lean into truth...

This is why I can count all circumstances {no matter what they are} as JOY!

AMEN!!!

A time to Dance...

Life is sometimes lyrical. Beautiful, messy and intense.

A swaying of moments that move us to dance.

Life is like that and our hearts can grieve sad or burst joy in the process.

In a world full of people who watch intently our graces, our choices, our movements, we can become too self-aware, afraid of stumbling.

Looking a fool.

Loosing balance.

How can one dance when worried about what they'll look like?

In my concern of what others may think, God often whispers reminders...

"You're dancing for me! And I am with you. Always."

He partners me well. Carries me effortlessly along the floor of mercy.

He lifts my eyes to His and the crowd fades away. Opinions diminish in His presence.

God desires to lead us through the gate of freedom, into His vast arms of love.

To live. To dance. To twirl reckless for Jesus is beyond lovely to Him.

He made it possible for you to dance with all the courage He has given you.

He wants you to be free. To not worry about the crowds who make you feel as though you need their approval. Don't let them make you feel insecure and afraid of what they think of you. God knows his affections for you, save that for Him.

He gives us the steps and sometimes we fumble. Sometimes we fall.

We spin ourselves silly.

But He's there to hold us secure in Him and we gain pace in His time.

With two-left feet. A limp. Or no rhythm at all. It doesn't matter.

When Jesus is your partner... Just dance!

And He will lead!

Who are you dancing for today?

A time for Father's Day...

The other day I noticed we have similar eyes, my Dad and I. And we use them to smile.

The way they shimmer and shine specks of yellow in sunlight. The way they dance when we're happy. How they crinkle at the outer edge and shape themselves into rainbows.

I've been "Daddy's Girl" for as long as I can remember.

Since the days of delivering milk in his dairy truck, and me sneaking the chocolatey kind.

Our afternoons of hauling wood from a forest in an old pickup truck. Rusty with wear. The evenings we sat around fire, roasting marshmallows, not needing to say a word. We simply watched flames and stars in the navy sky.

When in the same atmosphere as us, it doesn't take long to know we are as two peas in a pod.

We have something special.

You can tell in our eyes.

There is a joy in the way my Dad introduces me. The way the presentation of who I am, brings delight to his face, "This is my daughter". In the same fashion, I introduce him to those who may not know the depth of his relevance to me.

We beam.

So much of who I am, I've inherited from him.

And as life continues, my hope is to gain even more of his strengths.

To shimmer and shine more then just his eyes, but also his heart.

It is with much honor and love, I wish to give him a shout out today...

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

I love you...

You are one of life's greatest gifts!

A time to Thank you...

More then I expected arrived, when sharing pieces of my story with you this week.

Much more.

The door swung wide for those of you who have been waiting for the right time to share your own personal journeys, struggles, and healing. The fact that you trusted me with such honesty is humbling and I do not take it lightly.

Thank you!

This is what I want to say...

Walk on through!

Be YOU!

You've got something to offer.

As you are.

Your smile.

Your talents.

Your heartache.

Your story.

Your joy.

You are irreplaceable. Worth more then rubies.

Take this moment to know...

You have great value in the eyes of God.

When the world wants to toss you aside.

He wants to pick you up.

When the world wants to step on you.

He wants to be your shelter.

When the world wants to curse you.

He wants to redeem you.

God will fight for you. The victory is His.

Be the one-of-a-kind you, as only you can!

Thank you again for allowing me the grace and freedom to share myself with you. I cherish the work God is doing here.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength ~Philippians 4:13

A time to Share {Part Three}...

God gave me the faith to receive His gospel from the first time I heard it. The parts I could comprehend, anyway. It spread pure unadulterated love into my viens as I sat on that cold wooded pew. I had never heard of such love. Nor could I fathom. The sun was shining red through the stain-glass windows. It made me think of blood, poured out for me.

God opened my heart to Him and captured me that day. I've been in His hands ever since. I knew that God had cleansed me from my sinful past and that I was set free from the recklessness I had lived in, before Him.

But somehow, I was misled into believing I needed to keep myself clean from that moment on. That I needed to keep my life right for God. That I needed to continue the sanctification in order to be acceptable for Him.

{To read the back story, click here}

I was still in the desert. I was making life about my behaviours, when God simply wanted all of my heart. I had become a modern day Pharisee. I looked neat and tidy on the outside, I easily point fingers in judgment, I didn't associate with the unclean, and my heart was blind to the understanding of daily saving-grace.

My heart wasn't clinging onto Christ and His FINISHED work.

The church, more often then not, spoke on all that we should do instead of everything Jesus already did. I, more often then not, spoke the same thing.

Striving for an unattainable standard is a horrible disease. Perfectionism comes from the pit of hell and it smells of rotting flesh.

It is self-centered. Self-reliant. Self-righteous.

This was me. Legalism rose up in me when what I needed to do, not what Jesus has already done, became my end game.

It has been over the last few years that God really started to break me of this thinking. And when I thought it was finished, He broke me some more. This journey of healing, brokenness, re-construction and becoming gospel-centered has been one of the most painful processes God has ever taken me through. It is completely upside down from everything I had been attaching my hope to. God shattered me into a million pieces, when He revealed my wrongs, my mistakes, and my "religious" ways. My stomach turned into knots. The sickness of what I had become was vile.

A modern day Pharisee.

God in His love, pursued me, kept me, broke me, held me, and He is continually re-sculpting me. Him potter, me clay.

Sanctification is grueling. It is difficult. And it is full of suffering. Jesus had to get at the root of my problem... I had forgotten the gospel.

I had taken my eyes off Jesus and put them on myself. Preaching the gospel is the only thing that helps us take our eyes off ourselves and how we're doing, and fixes our eyes on Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith.

I love how one Pastor put it this way "Jesus fulfilled all of God's perfect conditions so that our relationship to God could be perfectly unconditional. The gospel of God's grace is radical, free, counterintuitive, and therefore defiant of every performance-driven impulse in our hearts".

Prior to God opening my heart to grasp this truth, I was in bondage.

Chained to self.

Gerhard Forde puts his finger on why the gospel is so scandalous:

The gospel of justification by faith is such a shocker, such an explosion, because it is an absolutely unconditional promise. It is not an “if-then” kind of statement, but “because-therefore” pronouncement: because Jesus died and rose, your sins are forgiven and you are righteous in the sight of God! It bursts in upon our little world all shut up and barricaded behind our accustomed conditional thinking as some strange comet from goodness-knows-where, something we can’t really seem to wrap our minds around, the logic of which appears closed to us. How can it be entirely unconditional? Isn’t it terribly dangerous? How can anyone say flat out, “You are righteous for Jesus’ sake? Is there not some price to be paid,some-thing (however minuscule) to be done? After all, there can’t be such thing as a free lunch, can there?”

You see, we really are sealed up in the prison of our conditional thinking. It is terribly difficult for us to get out, and even if someone batters down the door and shatters the bars, chances are we will stay in the prison anyway! We seem always to want to hold out for something somehow, that little bit of something, and we do it with a passion and an anxiety that betrays its true source–the Old Adam that just does not want to lose control.

I've been torn apart by our Sovereign God. I've been changed. I've been liberated. Delivered and set free. Healing has come and will continue as I walk in His truths... Sanctification is the hard work of getting use to our Justification. The truth that I am fully justified, not because of anything I've done, but because of everything Jesus completed and finished on my behalf. My life and my heart didn't change in the process of me trying harder, it came as I encountered the radical Grace of God.

At no point in time, either before God saved me or afterward, did my behaviours determine His love for me. His love is unconditional.

I said it all along, but by His grace... now, I know it! And there is a huge difference!

The sin underneath all sins is the lie that we cannot trust the love & grace of Jesus & that we must take matters into our own hands.

To be convinced in our hearts that we have forgiveness of sins and peace with God by grace alone is the hardest thing.

The whole gospel is outside of us.

~Martin Luther

A time to Share {Part Two}...

"For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous,

but those who know they are sinners." -Jesus

It was almost three years into my relationship with Wes {to read the back story, click here} that God was about to make Himself known.

We had been engaged 6 months as of my 18th birthday. I wore the ring, this one gold, in wait of our wedding. We were in no rush to plan.

But something inside of us kept twisting. Provoking. Prompting the loneliness of life to search for real wealth. Not the kind we had been indulging in for the last few years. Both of us couldn't stop thinking "There has to be more then this". More purpose for our lives then to simply waste them away, literally. We questioned.

The stirring within wouldn't subside for months. The unanswered became haunting. A true fear that we were missing out on something.

We were soon going to find out it was someone.

God was on a mission...

It happen on a warm Sunday in June. The day we stepped into church.

We walked into the the stain-glass building, the smell of coffee, donuts, and rose perfume waffled through the foyer. I was nervous to be there.

Dirty girl mingling with the holy. I didn't belong.

My mind played tricks "What are YOU doing here?", "You are such a fake", "You should just leave before anyone notices you."

My life was rotting with sin. What was I thinking going there?

I now wonder, how many others feel the same when they step through the doors of our churches.

I took a seat next to Wes near the back of the church. I felt awkward but my heart soaked the truth of the word I heard that Sunday. A simple refreshing message, to a broken searching soul... God loves me!? So much that He died for me!? Jesus bore the cross to cleanse me of my sins!? To save me of the Hell I deserved!? What? Could this be true? God paid my penalty!?

That was it!

If there was a God who loved me so much, that He put forth a plan of action to save me from the wages of my sin {which is death} then I needed to do whatever it took to never loose that love. I thought I could loose it, so I was ready to change everything.

I wanted to change desperately and this was my ticket. God was my golden ticket. He would be my motivation to turn my life around.

I wanted to please Him so badly.

Since I have a hard time doing anything half-heartedly, I dove right in with a full-force of intensity. I started studying the bible every spare moment I had and read books on the how to's of Christianity. I read up on how to be a woman of God, how to fast & pray, how to live a righteous life in an unrighteous world, and so on.

Wes and I had finally planned our wedding and set in motion to make our lives "good" ones. Nine months later, I was a bride at the age of 19. We were still so young. Broken. Masking our hurts with plastic veneers of self-righteous moral behaviour.

We struggled through many areas of life. Just the two of us, learning on our own.

To us, the church was clean. Wholesome. Exemplary.

And we were so far from being a worthy example. So we thought.

We wanted to get this right and we were still doing so much wrong {we just didn't know it yet}. Life suddenly looked a lot different on the outside, but internally we were still lost in many ways.

I believed that if I was to be a part of the church, I needed to clean myself up and look polished. I had to wear my purified exterior and disguise my hurts. So I strived. I strived to live up to the expectations of those around me. I strived to live up to all the "how to's" I had read. I learned the "christian lingo" and expressions, served well, studied hard, and deceived myself into believing this was about me and all I had to do. I lived in the hamster wheel of trying to attain Christian perfection. I was performance driven and gospel oblivious, most days. I made my walk with God more about my actions then I did about my heart.

And again, no one called my bluff. Why?

Was it because it looked right?

The stirring never ceased within me. Something didn't compute.

The Holy Spirit was about to open me up to truths I had never walked in before... I was about to become more intimate with God then I could have ever imagined. My relationship with Him was going to turn from a knowledge of, to a deep knowing. God was about to breakthrough my stone walls and reveal the depths of my heart. He was about to expose the wickedness that still lurked in the dark corners, my human depravity. My failures. He was about to heal me of my wounds, past and present.

God was on a mission to break me...

But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift. ~Romans 4:5

To be continued...

A time to Share {Part One}...

Like many children, I wasn't raised in a Christian home with a strong moral agenda or the smell of church on Sunday morning. I didn't own Sunday dresses or get my hair tied in braids before trotting off as a family to church services.

Like many children, I fought for the attention and affirmation from those around me. Seeking worth and value in people and relationships. Desiring identity. Heritage. Life.

Like many children, I was vulnerable to sexual abuse at a very young age, and was shattered by the memory for several years afterward. And like many children, I rebelled as a result.

Innocence stolen.

I felt worthless. Tainted. Dirty.

I became extremely selfish in my pain and loneliness. I did what I wanted to do. I mixed in where ever I found a spot that would fit me. A spot that would accept me.

I was searching for identity in a world that shouted "Find it HERE". A lone girl, desperate to find worth in the hallow. I was searching for something, anything, to fill me. I changed my outward appearances quite frequently in my attempts to figure out who I was. Or was it a way to escape the truth of who I was? I did not know. I became a chameleon of sorts. I learned to blend myself, and my inner torment.

I had my first boyfriend by the age of 12.

I viewed pornography by age 13.

I was tattoo'd by the age of 14.

And I would smoke & drink anything I could get my hands on by the age of 15.

I was spiralling out of control.

At different times, I had my hair dyed purple, blue, or black. I wore clothes much too big or much too short, depending on my mood or my motive. I glossed the lips. I teased the tangles. I flirted with this world and it blew me kisses in return. It caressed my misery. Propositioned me with hypnotic flavour and I fell in love.

I lived for the rush.

I lived for the high.

I lived for the filling.

I was only 15 when I met my husband, Wes. Him 18 and still just a boy. High school sweethearts we were. We lived wild and free. In a bubble we called home. I packed up my life as a child and threw caution to the wind. By the age of 16 I wanted to be woman, living in complete abandon and a dirty apartment. I persuaded myself that I could do this.

Wes and I were convinced that we loved each other more then any other pair, so why not? We glued ourselves to one another. Co-dependent. Interconnected in an unhealthy reliance.

We dreamed big, danced crazy, and partied long into midnight skies. Hooked.

Wes tied a string of romance on my finger, as promise of a life forever. I swooned and moaned over him.

Me just a girl, pretending to be woman.

No one called my bluff.

We were a young lost couple, wearing garments much to big for such tender statures. Struggling, we tried to stand strong in this fallen world.

For the next two years we filled our lives with worldly medication.

Pornography. Sex. Alcohol. Parties. Strip clubs. Drugs. You name it.

We feasted at the buffet we were offered. Never denying ourselves. We became gluttons of secular pleasure. Intoxicated by the world. Drunk on her venom, we laughed lazy. Sedated by our choices.

Our breath, profane. Our spirits, dead.

We were drowning in this debilitating lifestyle. Making each other life rafts. Saviours.

This was the beginning of the end, in light of a new beginning...

To be Continued...

A time to Open the Files...

Last week I sat in front of the white glare on my computer screen. My "New Post" box sitting empty before me. A heart swirling full of "stuff" to share but nothing formulating into word.

I took a stroll and wandered through old drafts. Drafts I closed up last year. Before I wrote this post, and took a break to seek deeper healing.

Half-written heartache, stories, and praise, tucked neatly away.

In wait of editing.

In wait of me clicking open to continue the scripting out of whatever sentences need to flow next.

Hidden hurts {for now}.

Hidden victories {for now}.

Hidden pain {for now}.

Hidden joy {for now}.

These words lay quiet. Patient for their time.

I wait in the same mannor. For permission. From Him.

Waiting for God's go-ahead to distribute words in black on white.

Will it bring me more healing to share? Or more hurt?

Will it help administer healing to someone else who is walking that same road?

Can relating to one who has been where I am, open the ministry door for truth to overflow and tears to cleanse? Can I be the one used by God to bring hope to an otherwise hopeless situation?

Truth is, I'm scared.

My knees knock and I want to buckle low at the thought of judgement. To clasp my head with hands, covering myself like a cloak to hide. No one wants to be stripped before a court and ridiculed for past mistakes or choices. No one chooses to have their name slandered or heart critiqued. But it happens...

Am I willing to take the risk?

I love the thought of community that builds strength around the wounded... and we are all just that. Wounded. Relatable.

It's in the exposing of roads travelled or being travelled that we can realize there is more to people then what we see. The lessons learned along the way are priceless gifts we can give to one another in this sacred community of love.

To love people for where they've come from and what they offer.

To love people for where they are and what they are learning.

To love people for where they are going and what they will bring back.

Community wrapped in authenticity and love is beauty, at it's core.

So I ask with much grace you will receive my life, as it is, as it was, and as it is to be.

God's redemption of this sinful one. His continued sanctification.

My dirty mess(es). His cleansing blood.

I plan on sharing more of my story this week.

It is quite difficult to put life experiences into word and capture every facet,

but I will try my best and pray for God's will to unfold, here.

A time to be as Salt...

When I'm hurting I withdraw.

I do this as self-protection. A mechanism to guard my heart from more pain.

To close myself off from an over-load of emotion. I try to cope by numbing my feelings.

I withdraw from love.

I withdraw from myself.
I withdraw from others.

I withdraw from those better-than-chocolate people in my life, who extend love to me, even at my worst. Their love can be bitter-sweet.

This is why...

They love me enough to show me they will not leave. Ever. And my insecurities want to creep up and distort their words. I want to run from such an outpouring.

They love me enough to not stand by and watch me make the same mistakes, over and over. Instead they insist on extending a hand to help, to guide, to lead.

They love me enough to pull my head out of the clouds, clear from the fog so I can see evidently. They want to bring vision on the days I've seemed to go blind.

... and I run from such an outpouring.

Their love, bittersweet. Like a bowl sugar with a dash of salt.

Their love, truth... and truth can hurt.

Like salt to the wound.

Although the sting of salt causes more pain in the beginning, it cleanses too.

It helps heal. It has purpose.

Like salt to our wounds our relationships can also make us twist tight and flinch. Burn and ooze wounded all the more. But we can choose to be a healing salt to those we love. Compassionately, with tender hearts, we can rub and help soothe the hurts. Console and cleanse the open gashes. To nurse our hurting ones with gentleness.

To bring sweet healing love to the wounded... salted with grace.

It is grace that brings me out of hiding. Grace that opens me to love.

Let us always remember to season others with this fragrant flavour.

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth." ~ Matthew 5:13

What seasoning equips you to live open?

A time to Offer your Pieces...

I'm not going to hold back. I'm going to share with you what I know.
No lies. You ready? Here it is....

YOU are BROKEN.

I am BROKEN.
And we are in need of a remedy beyond what we can do with human hands.

We need the true healer. A redeemer of our wounded hearts.

For years, I held it together. I was strong. I was glue. I was the backbone.

I hid my pain well, because I thought I was alone in it. I thought if people knew the real me, they wouldn't understand or show me the compassion my heart yearned for.

I thought if God was to love me I needed to be good enough for Him.

I hid. I lived covered. I piled my days busy with tasks, to-do's, and relationships that were hallow. I played my roles of "good mother", "good wife", "good friend", and "good Christian woman".

Meanwhile, I was being torn up inside. Wrestling with hurts that still oozed. Struggles and fears that ruled me and I didn't know what to do with them. Besides keep them inside. Hidden away from others.

Until one day...

God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

Psalm 18:20,23-24 (The Message)

Are you feeling alone? Beaten-down? Hopeless?

Are you needing to find healing?

Desperate for wholeness?

Place the pieces of your life, all of them, into the hands of God.

Those pieces are an offering to Him. He delights in receiving you.

God has shown me, that life isn't meant to be lived alone. Self-reliant.

Rather, dependant on His never-ceasing love and grace.

He wants you. As you are. Broken. In-need. Of Him.

We are incapable of changing our own hearts. It is a holy work.

A work that Jesus joyfully wants to do in you.

Since Jesus has worked FOR US, we must rest in Him.

A most freeing imperative, indeed.

We are BROKEN. He is LIFE.

God uses our brokenness as one of the windows through which we see His face.

So grab my hand... let us reach together & place our shattered pieces at His feet. You are NOT alone.

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Hebrews 12:2 (New Living Translation)

Written for Stonecroft Ministires Canada

who recently started their BLOG, here!

A time for Change...

When God slips in from behind and we do not see Him there, is He still at work?

Always present?

Always active?

God comes in from all directions to accomplish His will in us. And I've realized that He isn't the biggest fan of my comfort zones. Coming in unexpected, startles the soul nervous.

Unforeseen work in the hiding places.

Do we not serve a God of pursuit?

He will prune, prod, and pluck things out of our hearts, no matter what the cost to us, no matter what we may loose in the process. For Jesus already paid the price in FULL, and change in us is good. Although not absent of hurt.

It is His purpose-filled restructure, necessary for growth.

Do we not serve a God who can both give and take away?

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. ~James 1:17

We can rest in the security that God himself, who is unchanging, loves us unconditionally as we are, while He weaves us into who He wants us to become. Moulding our hearts. Breaking down to re-build.

In times of hopelessness, remember we serve the God of Hope.

In times of loneliness, remember we serve the God of Companionship.

In times of defeat, remember we serve the God of Victory.

Whatever change is taking place in your life, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, remember we serve the God of Comfort.

Change isn't always easily embraced. But it's going to be okay...

I wish I knew the details of what you may be going through. A looking glass that would reveal the depths of all the unexposed. And although I do not know your circumstance, I do know the one who is with you right now, in the middle of it.

He knows what we need today.

And whatever we are going through, He's going to see us to the other side.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

A time to be Scarred...

It happens in the ripping, tearing apart of our lives.

In the demolishing of old.

It happens in the eruption of that which is dead. Fruitless.

In the dismantling of self.

The pain sears. And we heave and groan the hurt through sobs in dark nights.

Like a branding iron this too is to create scars. Remembrance.

God's work.

The sacred, grace-filled work of Christ.

Oh how I want it to burn in me. An alter to recall the deep healing.

The dismantle of self, of sin. Breeds room for Him.

We endure the suffering. The discomfort of life.

And He bestows gift.

He gives Grace.

Life becomes FULL when we are removed from it.

Selfishness destroyed.

Jesus becomes LIFE to us. Our life becomes His.

The scars remain. Always there. Our story. To share.

Woe, woe! to those who placidly suspire

Drowned in security, remote from fire;

Who under the dim sky and whispering trees

By peaceful slopes and passing streams have ease.

No sacred pang disturbs their secular life,

Eluding splendor and escaping strife;

They die not, for they lived not…

To those whom he doth love God hath not sent

Such dread security, such sad content…

But he hath branded on such souls his name.

And he will know them by the scars of flame.

So fear not grief, fear not the anguished, thou,

The paining heart, the clasped and prostrate brow;

This is the emblem, and this is the sign

By which God singles thee for fields divine. ~Steven Phillips

Do you have scars that are visible to others? Do you feel freedom to share? Or is it scary for you to unveil the journey that lead to them?